The article, How a teen mag's bullshit detector let them down. Crass leaves Loving at the altar, is reprinted below in its entirelty.

By Graham Lock

"Oh Rob, "I whispered when he released me slightly. It was different with Rob-- and we both knew it . . .
"Lesley . . ." he murmured, stroking my hair. Then he was kissing me again and I wanted it to go on forever. This wasn't a game--IT COULDN'T BE!

PHEW! READERS who could tear themselves away from the passionate embraces of thfs "compelling real-life" romance and peruse the rest of Loving magazine's 'Bridal Special' issue (May 30) would have found a treasure-chest of romantic delights.

Flicking past "Dreamy Wedding Dresses and Magical Make-Up", past "How Revealing Is Your Underwear7 -- What Does Your Choice Tell About Your Character", past even a picture-profile of "TV Turn-On Danny Baker", your eyes might have alighted at last on Loving's "fabulous record offer" -- a free seven-inch flexi-disc called 'Our Wedding,' sung "for you" by one Joy De Vivre.

"Make your wedding day that bit extra special," enthused the blurb, "Joy De Vivre has captured all the happiness and romance of that all-important big day--your wedding . . . it's a must for all true romantics!"

The eager reader aremble to fill in the coupon and claim their disc may not have noticed that this wonderful offer came courtesy of Creative Recording and Sound Services, whose initials spell out . . .

Aaarggh! C.R.A.S.S.! CRASS! The dreaded anarchist punk rock band who sing dirty words and want to destroy civilisation as we know it. Oh no! Surely this couldn't be a . . .

HOAX!

Alas, dear readers, it was. Tsk, tsk, tsk. The sad, sordid, squalid truth, as revealed by News Of The World reporter Jad Adams this Sunday ("A BAND OF HATE'S LOVING MESSAGE", located between two rape stories and a cartoon of Titus the Newt), was that Crass had hoaxed Loving with a perfectly-executed parody of gross romantic tack.

Amid a swirl of strings, church organ and wedding bells, the disc--in a tasteful cream plastic with discreet bride and groom motif by artist B.A.Nana-- features chanteuse Joy De Vivre voicing such tender sentiments as "Listen to those wedding bells/Say goodbye to other girls" and "Never look at anyone/I must be all you see-ee-ee".

"This is a sick joke." Loving editor Pam Lyons told Adams.

But worse was to come--the track is also to appear on the new Crass LP entitled -- horror! horror! "too obscene to print" (News Of The World)--'Penis Envy'.

"We've turned Loving into a responsible and authoritative magazine," added Lyons, "and then this happens."

CRASS SPOKESPERSON Penny Rimbaud begs to differ. Contacted by NME, he dismissed teenage romance mags of Loving's ilk as "absolutely obscene and despicable rags. They exploit people in an aggressive and unpleasant manner".

The controversial punk star went on to describe how the band had first recorded 'Our Wedding' as a joke to round off their new LP--"a sneering attack on love and marriage" (News Of The World)--and decided, for a prank, to send a tape of the song to various teenage romance mags in the name of singer Joy De Vivre.

Their aim, says Rimbaud, was "to expose all this absolute shit they're shovelling out. I mean, they actually put out 'Our Wedding', which is totally over the top. I don't see how anyone could have taken it seriously. We were amazed when they agreed to put it out."

Rimbaud was at pains to insist that Crass were not out to "hurt the readers" but to "expose the people who promote and produce the paper as emotional charlatans--the way they trivialise love and relationships is scandalous, it's teenage pornography."

For Loving, a tight-lipped Pam Lyons later told NME: "it was just a pathetic ploy by Crass to get publicity."

Several hundred orders for the record have already arrived at Crass HQ and they expect the final demand to run into thousands. Loving do not intend to hinder this operation or to take any other action against Crass since, it seems, the fiendish anarcho-punkers took care not to break any law.

Let us, in conclusion, spare a thought for the hapless Loving. Our Agony Aunt, Netta Spouse, advises them: "l'm sure you will get over this disappointment and begin a new relationship in the near future. After all, learning to trust people is a giant step forward on the long uphill climb to happiness and true love. And if the odd anarchist punk rocker breaks your heart, don't despair because, sooner or later, the right man really will come along."