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| Relationships | When things go pear-shaped | Serious Natter/Serious Matter
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SERIOUS NATTER/SERIOUS MATTER |
Having a good natter with a friend is a good way of sorting through a serious issue. This is a converstaion between two friends based around a situation which was difficult to talk about.
You know my friend Hita?
Yeah, yeah.
Well she and her boyfriend Hitesh were in the park a few weeks ago, with his mate who’s a bit older than him, about 18. They were just chilling and having a laugh and after a while Hitesh and a cousin, who’d turned up, went off together.
What and left Hita and the guy on their own?
Yeah, he just went off and left them together. He didn't think anything would happen.
So did anything happen? Did she fancy him?
Well, there was a bit of innocent flirting on both sides, but he started getting a bit full on and forced himself on her.
What, you mean he raped her?
Not exactly but he “fingered” her, and she didn’t want it and ran off crying.
Oh no! Did anybody see them?
No she said there was hardly anyone around and it was dark. She couldn’t see Hitesh or his cousin anywhere, so she walked home on her own.
Poor girl. Was it late?
About 9ish, but you know weekdays we’re not supposed to be out after 7. Well, when she got home her mum had locked her out.
Oh my God. What did she do?
Hita rang a male friend who dropped her off round the corner from her house, in case anyone saw him.
Didn’t the family know him?
No and you know what it’s like.
Did they stay in the car all night?
No, Hita’s mum rang her eventually and she went home.
I don’t know what I’d do if that happened to me. Did she tell anyone?
What do you think? She only told me and her friend who took her home. You know what Asian families are like about that sort of thing. They want us girls sweet and innocent and if word got about it would bring shame on the family.
Was she mad with her boyfriend for leaving her?
Yeah, and his cousin who talked him in to going off with him. She really felt betrayed, cos she didn’t really know this guy.
I bet she was scared to face her parents. Did she get a grilling from her mum and dad?
She didn’t tell them the whole story but they suspected something had happened cos she was out late when she shouldn’t have been and hadn’t even phoned home. They looked at her in a very “dirty” way.
Poor Hita. What do you think they’d do if they knew the whole story?
If she had been raped her father wouldn't look her in the eye. They would blame her more than the boy that’s for sure. I think they would try to track him down and maybe even talk to his parents, I dunno.
You would have thought her mum would have been a bit more sympathetic.
Typical innit? She’s far more likely to side with her father like a good wife!
It’s not fair is it? Boys can get away with so much. We’re not even allowed out half the time, and even then only with a chaperone. I mean, what are they so afraid of? I'm sick of going out with my cousins!
Other than having a boyfriend full stop, the worse thing would be having a boyfriend of a different religion.
God forbid - a Muslim!
Black or white for that matter.
I know someone whose cousin is with a black guy. She got pregnant and they ran away together.
I bet that went down well with the Asian community!
Oh that’s not all. She’d already been married to a Mauritian guy, but it barely lasted a year. Their divorce is now through and she’s with this new fella.
Are her parents still speaking to her?
They weren’t in contact at all at first, they were so mad they just totally disowned her. When she got pregnant though the family rallied round and her father actually regrets disowning her now. Her mother sees her a bit more now, but not as much as her father.
Why’s everything so complicated?
I don't think arranged marriages work, do you?
Well they can, but just because you marry someone of the same religion or culture and stay married for years, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gonna be happy does it?
Suppose not, but maybe you stand more of a chance, less obstacles and all that. Sometimes it just seems too difficult, causing all the upset. Trying to please every one, and doing the right thing is too hard sometimes.
Thank goodness most Asian families are more liberal these days. At least we have a bit more of a say in who we do and don’t like when it comes to marriage material.
Funny though innit, most in-laws still expect a bride to be a virgin, but it doesn't matter if the boy's slept around.
I think these days most Asian girls have had boyfriends and aren’t virgins when they get married.
Do you think it matters?
It seems to bother the in laws more. I don’t think their husbands mind, cos they aren’t usually virgins themselves.
Oh well. I've got a great new top. What's happening Saturday? |
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