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| Relationships | Families | Death in the Family | Coping with my Mum's Illness and Death
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COPING WITH MY MUM'S ILLNESS + DEATH |
I remember it well, when my Mum became ill. She went in hospital for a check up and she said “Don’t worry Philip it’s only for a check up.”
Dad came back and said the doctor thought that she was a bit ill and she’s staying in for over two weeks. “The doctor’s seen something in my eyes and I’m ill, so I’m going back and I’ll only be in for two weeks”. Two weeks later dad’s already in, so dad’s ill. Dad’s in hospital, so Mum can’t come out. So for two weeks Mum was still in and she was in for the entire Christmas, and then when Dad got better and was able to take her out, Mum got ill again. And then Dad had to go back in cos he got a bit more ill and then it came, and that was the time when mum passed away.
I went in to see her a lot, except for when she got really really bad, so bad that she could only just talk, she couldn’t move. I actually went the morning she died and I also went the night before she died. My aunt used to be a nurse and dad was going to answer a call and my aunty told my Dad not to answer the call - she’s died. But I’d seen her that very night with my aunt, and then that next day I went with my aunt to see my mum. You know she was already passed away.
I went in with my aunty and she was ... well, it was so good she ... you wouldn’t think that she was actually passed away - she was still warm, she was happy as well, because before when my aunty told my dad she was going, dad quickly rushed, and you know mum was in dad’s arms when she died, and you know most father’s don’t get there.
At first my aunty tried to say “Philip don’t go in you’ll be shocked” and then dad said “It’s ok, let him go in” and I wasn’t shocked. I was upset and emotional but I wasn’t really shocked. She had beaten the cancer the year before, they found the cancer returned that’s why my party at my actual birthday, I actually had the family, all my family. Cos the year before my birthday was the same day mum went in to the hospital for a check up. She’d been in there all afternoon. She went early in the morning and didn’t come back until two days later, and that made me upset because when I opened my presents mum wouldn’t be there to see it. That’s why this year I invited my entire family, my nana, my aunt, my cousins. I invited them all up just so I could just feel right at home and we had a great time.
Out of a hundred, I’m like 25% glad that my mum’s passed away, because she’s no longer in pain, she’s always gonna be there at school, everywhere, and also she wouldn’t be on these awful drugs. One night I woke up, it’s like the middle of the night, dad’s still downstairs and mum, you know had been on these drugs to make her better and they were getting her mixed up and she thought she was in hospital. I woke up to her saying “Nurse, nurse I can’t find the button” or something like that, to call the nurse. I came down and I was like “Mum?” and she looked up and she smiled and she turned her light on and she realised she was not in a hospital, and she was in her room. I was a bit worried at that time, she told me it was the drugs, and what they do is they sometimes give you a dream like you’re in a place and when you wake up you think you’re still in the hospital. When she saw me she said that she at first thought I was in the hospital with her, but then she looked harder and knew that she was at home. She knew that I could not stay the night in hospital. I can really remember that.
Sometimes at night, sometimes I’ve got these awful memories, awful things that happened and then I get worried and it all leads down to one thing: being afraid of death. Dad said when you get older, over the age of sixty you’re not afraid to die, but sometimes I realise how hard it must be and what happens after death and I worry where people end up and especially my family. I think about heaven and hell.
Saying goodbye: I’m a Christian and sometimes you just get worried of that. You know, sometimes I’m curious of what will happen I mean, where’s Mum now? But there’s one place where I can always remember Mum and not get upset, that’s the monastery.
We went to the monastery on a day when the wind was blowing in the direction of our house, just like mum wanted and we spreaded her ashes. She specially wanted us to do that.
Sometimes I talk to my friend Joshua about it and otherwise my nana. I can talk to her about anything. Talking to my nana helps get off the stress of mum because my nana and my aunt are just like my mum, but my nana’s more mum than my aunt.
I’ve always been close to my nana, and I can talk about anything you like and she understands. She’s always like “yeah, I know exactly you mean.” I never have to repeat myself, except for sometimes when she can’t hear, but the rest of the time she can hear and she always understands. |
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